9th of Feburuary, 2002
		Three months today. Yesterday, and a lifetime! Three months that you left me to make it sound like I blame you, because I do -- a little. Life would be easier if you were still here even after cancer -- or especially after cancer You gave my life meaning. Now there is none. I know I must be a grandfather to the twins but it isn't the same. Their parents, their aunts and uncles, the whole structure you and I sought for them must take over now. Better with a granfather, true, but not much different. A grandmother would be best. Better too for the children, but not much different. A mother would be best. Three months without you with all the time in the world to play with my computer, and nothing interesting to do. What pleasures are left after sixty years? Other than the company of the one you shared it with for thiry-five. Your mother called today, what with it being three months. There will be a mass for you tonight in Cuiabá. I know you would have hated that, but I couldn't stop them. She cried, but I had already had my cry this week. Children should not oulive their parents, nor wives their husbands.